Now if you said to me ‘i burned calories with a hot guy’ i would immediately think sex, i think most people would. In my case this is not it. I would love to brag about a rampant 24 hour sex session with a hot guy right now considering my current dry spell, i’m actually gutted im not reporting this!
It happened at the gym this afternoon. Feeling ridiculously empowered and motivated due to One Directions new charity single ‘One Way Or Another’ on repeat on my iphone i was on a roll. I would like to state i am currently embracing my sadness at downloading this song, yes i am 23 but who know what? I bloody love it! (if i were on twitter right now i would #geek myself). OK so i’m going off on a tangent, well i’d been there alot longer than usual due to the mass motivation i was currently experiencing (and who knew it would be due to One Direction?!). I was just about to leave but then something happened that never happens at my gym. There was a hot guy! It was like the fascination i had when there was a new kid in my year at school, i saw him and had stay. Why? God only knows! I’m crap at being chatted up at the gym so i had no intention of speaking to him. After 20 minutes of trying to stay in his eyeline and look as pretty as i could whilst in gym gear he left without talking to me. The only thought in my head? ‘Oh well he helped me burn extra calories’ wow, what a tit i am.
The reason i wouldn’t talk to him is due to the time I was chatted up by an American porn star at the gym. I didn’t know he was a porn star when he chatted me up and because of my foolishness and rubbish ability to respond to being chatted up i missed my chance with a porn star… A BLOODY PORN STAR! So gutted! I haven’t seen him there since, i’d like to think it’s because my rejection broke his heart. But i’m kidding myself he gets alot of sex on a regular basis. Oh god now i’m just depressing myself with my missed opportunity and debating whether i should just dip my toes in the pool of porn to get laid….
Wow i sound so desperate! I know i am but i’m getting to my last legs and my new years resolution was to not go a year without! I would just like to say i’m really not big headed but i’m not ugly… So my looks aren’t the reason this dry spell is happening (well i don’t think it is?!) I will not sleep with anyone in the village, everyone will know and most of them probably have STI’s. And one night stands with randomers? As i said before i’m a bit scared they may be a murderer. Guys have it so much easier! If they take a girl home their only thought is ‘how do i get her to leave in the morning’ not ‘is she gonna tie me up and kill me?’
The rate i’m going i’m going to die a reformed virgin……
(* Reformed virgin – someone who hasn’t had sex in that long they feel like/class themselves as a virgin. Add that one to the dictionary… Your Welcome!)