I’m currently in post bingo depression. I won nothing! I’d say i’m crap at bingo but it’s all about luck, and i’m the unluckiest person you will ever meet. I’m hating on bingo right now. There’s also something about those quiet bingo halls that turns me into a child. Giggling when the number 69 is called and laughing inappropriately. Oh those regular oldies were giving me the death stare for most of the night.
I can easily prove i’m one of the unluckiest people you’d meet – i’ve broke me ankle 3 times! Once whilst walking. I think it takes an unlucky person to break your ankle whilst walking. God knows how i did it but i’m now a pro as i have sprained both round about 15 times.
The last time i broke my ankle was a pretty funny sight. I’d been sunbathing in a field with some mates, when leaving i ran down a mound that was smaller than i am (i’m 5ft 2 and 1/2 – i like to think the half makes the difference) and managed to break my ankle. Now knowing what a broken ankle feels like from the 2 previous times i knew i had broke it, but oh no, my mates thought i was being a massive drama queen and overreacting. It was the hottest day of the year, i couldn’t walk and was in a bikini. GREAT! And to make matters worse we were 10 minutes away from the nearest house. Luckily there was a small supermarket by the housing estate. Not being able to walk and in a lot of pain my mates went to get help. After half an hour of trying to get somewhere i had blisters on my hands from shuffling along the floor as the pavement was so friggin hot. I then see my friends appear around the corner…
with a trolley and a bag of peas – no ambulance, no hot paramedic – frozen goodies and a sort of method of transport.
Now i don’t know if you’ve ever tried getting into a trolley with both legs fully functioning but it isn’t easy. The task of getting me into a trolley when i had one leg working and non participating hands would appear on You’ve Been Framed if someone had been filming. Eventually i managed to get into the trolley and my mates wheeled me, with my leg sticking out of the trolley somehow balancing a bag of peas on my ankle, to the supermarket where i got picked up and taken to hospital.
Someone was wise enough to take a picture which i now treasure and laugh at what i’m down – i’d post it but i’m staying anonymous! Maybe one day i will.
This bad luck also takes place in the form of ridiculously embarrasing moments. One so bad it has been dubbed ‘loo roll gate’ and i get reminded of it often.
I’ll set the scene… I’m in a nightclub with a friend, Mr. Hot Guy from work who i was trying to impress and a few of his friends. Feeling good, having a dance, we’ve flirted a bit – the nights going well. And then i go to the toilet, unknowingly a very bad mistake on my part. I’ve done my business and checked myself over in the mirror. All is A OK! I head to the dance floor. Five minutes later one of Mr. Hot Work Guys friends says something to my mate. I’m thinking ‘ooh maybe he’s saying something about me and Mr. Hot Work Guy.’ I couldn’t have been more wrong. The whole time i had been on the dance floor i had toilet roll stuck to me – no not from my shoe, from my tights, hanging down right there like a white paper tail. THE EMBARRASSMENT! And i couldn’t pull it all out! I had to run to the loo’s and sort myself out!
How it got there i have no idea, well obviously from when i went to the toilet before but i have tried many scientific experiments since to figure out how it got stuck in the back of my tights the way it did. Never have i been able to work this out. I’m definitely one of a kind. I think the most embarrasing part of ‘loo roll gate’ was when i eventually put on a brave face and came out of hiding, Mr. Hot Work Guys first words to me were ‘did you have a nice shit?’
Oh the shame! I can confirm nothing happened with me and Mr. Hot Work Guy after that. He was left with a hilarious story to tell my work mates, i was left with shame and for weeks upon end my friends coming out of the pub toilets with loo roll hanging from their jeans in hope i would see. Or that someone else would see so they could explain the meaning behind the loo roll fiasco.
I had a similar incident recently which is now included in the top two most embarrassing things that have happened to me. Also involving coming out of a toilet in a club. You’d think i’d learn!
I was wearing a little flowy skirt with a see-through lace layer on the top and a silky material underneath. Yep, the silky under layer got lucked into my tights. I was wearing those fake suspender tights so the tights at the top of my legs were clear. For a good 10 minutes everyone could see my bum in all it’s glory. It wasn’t until a lovely lesbian came along and told me. She said her and her girlfriend were trying to work out if my skirt was that short or if it had got tucked in. I was mortified. I wouldn’t leave the spot i was standing in or turn around to see who had witnessed this skirt gate fiasco.
They say things come in three’s, i’m dreading what will happen next.
Day 63 Update – No contact with Mr. Player today, i will most likely not hear from him for 2ish weeks and get a text out of the blue when he’s bored. Thinking i may need to change my strategy or develop a game plan.