Firstly i’m annoyed at myself! First week of blogging everyday – i go 5 days and don’t blog for 2! I feel like a kid that’s not done their homework and skived school for two days because of it. However i do have a valid excuse – i’ve been ill. With a migraine ill so i couldn’t stand looking at anything bright. If it were cold/flu ill i’d be on my laptop 24/7!
All better now anyway so lets get on with it….
Day 67 – I occasionally text this guy who is a bit of player. We mainly text when he’s obviously bored or i want a bit of attention as i haven’t had any for a while (i’m admitting it, it’s always nice for a bit of male attention, makes you feel good!). I’ve never kissed or done anything with this guy as i put up a mental stand to players, but he has tried in the past. I just don’t want them to get their own way! They think they can get any girl in the world and these girls make it so easy for them. Their libido grows as they are getting the girls, they then become more cocky, which some girls love and it grows into a vicious cycle. A cycle in which only the guy comes out winning. The girl usually gets attached emotionally even if she said she won’t and will most likely drunk text the guy the next weekend. The guy doesn’t get attached as he’s used to shagging everything with a pulse without generating feelings. I’m not talking about guys in general, just the player types. I may even be wrong, but to me if your going around getting with that many girls and not giving two shits about them after, your not going to develop feelings for them as it’s one this week, one the next. But then again the girls are putting themselves into that situation.
An example of the girl getting a little attached to the player is when i was waiting for a taxi with some friends after a night out and was talking to Mr.Player (lets call him that shall we) he was bragging about how many girls he’d got with that night. Mind you he didn’t need to brag, he was giving me figures after each girl he kissed that night. Also he made me watch his ‘technique’ of chatting up and pulling a girl. The one i watched didn’t go very well, i got bored and walked off after a few minutes! Whilst waiting he showed me texts he was getting at that moment in time. It was about 3am and this drunk girl was texting him saying ‘i want you badly’ ‘come round and fuck me’ etc etc. Now if i’d have sent those messages, when i’d wake up in the morning i would be thinking
‘THE SHAME! I NEVER WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN! I WILL GET PLASTIC SURGERY JUST SO I NEVER HAVE TO FACE HIM AND HIM KNOW ITS ME!’
It’s bad enough sending the ‘accidental texts’ when drunk – you know those ones where you just want to walk to them without looking eager, so you send them something random and pretend it was for someone else just to get a conversation out of them (yes guys alot of girls do this if you’ve ever wondered!)
But a text like that? Hell i would become a recluse for a month just to get over the shame and possibility of bumping into whoever i’d sent it to.
Anyway the whole time i’ve been writing this i have been texting Mr.Player, at 1:30 (morning here) he suggested as we’re both wide awake why don’t i come round for a caffeine party, i joked around offering to bring coffee cup shaped decorations then said i’m rubbish at making decisions as i’m comfy but wide awake. The real decision going on in my head was, i’ll get sex, but driving round his at this time of night looks a bit desperate and i don’t want him thinking i’ve gone round there because i think he’s amazing, because i actually don’t. I decided at 2am that i didn’t care, i’d be using him for sex the same way he’d be using me (very very classy but the guys alright, we get on, i know he won’t kill me, and we all know i am desperate for sex) but it was too late! ARGGHHHHHH he decided he’d be half asleep by the time i got round. Now i’m pissed off for missing my opportunity! And pissed off at him for changing his mind, when it’s not even his fault, he doesn’t know what i’m going through. I’m so gutted! Opportunity missed, what a fool!
I know i’m being a total hypocrite in debating going round there at stupid hours, but i’m not looking for love or a relationship, i’m going travelling in just under a year. I don’t know if i would be strong enough to leave out any emotion but i think i have a strong guard up knowing i don’t want anything that i could do it and be alright, not act like a crazy mofo after. Look i’m trying to justify myself – probably what the girls do that i’ve just been talking about. I guess time will tell with this one. But as classy as it sounds, i’m pretty sure if it came to 1 day left of my nearly sexless year i could text him and get some. This is what lack of sex turns me into. Showing my desperation!
It’s now 3am and we’re still texting…. grrrr.